Oh,Susanna

I went to see The Bangles in concert last night. No, this is not something I wrote back in 1987. I actually went to see The Bangles in concert on May 2, 2010 at The Pageant in St Louis, MO – and it rocked. I was expecting to hear the 4 songs that I could remember, but was pleasantly surprised both by a bunch of songs I had forgotten they played and by some songs I wasn’t familiar with but were still very entertaining. But this isn’t a music review. I don’t do that. This is about something so much more important than that. This is about the very reason I wanted to go to the show and the reason that did not disappoint.

Susanna Hoffs

I first fell in love with Susanna back in the mid 80’s when I saw the video for Walk Like an Egyptian. I can still see remember the exact part of the video that got me. It was right after the whistling portion of the song when Susanna got to sing her part. She began singing the verse in her sweet, sweet voice and I was entranced. By the time the verse ended, I was infatuated. But it wasn’t until she got to the chorus (picuted above) that I was smitten. As she was singing, she never looked into the camera, but instead was looking first left, then right, then left again with her big doe eyes and a sexy little smile on her mouth. I couldn’t have been more than 10 years old, but I knew this was hot. I was in love.

Unfortunately, The Bangles didn’t last, but I followed Susanna’s career. She did some solo work after that and even starred in a movie back in the late ‘80’s entitled “The Allnighter.” For a good portion of my high school career I worked in various video (that’s right VIDEO) rental stores and I vividly recall walking through the comedy section on a routine basis and seeing her on the cover of the video box in her bikini. Ooooh, that bikini. She was standing in front of a sea of balloons and holding a blue drink in her hand. I sometimes went out of my way to take that route. Way out of my way. However, as odd as it may seem, I never once rented that movie. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t want the possibility of poor acting to affect my immaculate perception of her. Perhaps it’s because I was surrounded by so many other classic movies and I just had this one further down on my “must see” list. Or, perhaps it’s because it was rated PG-13 and I knew that as badly as I wanted to, I wasn’t going to get to see “the goods.” Yeah, I’m going to go with that last one.

Fastforward to 2010

Now, I hadn’t seen Susanna in years. Years. I trade my celebrity crushes like I trade fantasy baseball outfielders. If someone isn’t performing, you move them off your team for someone that is. After a while, you don’t remember who you had until someone brings it up and you say “oh yeah! I remember that.” I never forgot Susanna, she just wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. Needless to say, when I heard that they were coming in concert, I had that “oh yeah!” moment and bought 4 tickets as soon as they went on sale. I just had to see her live and in person. I couldn’t wait to look up at that stage and see Susanna, MY Susanna, staring back at me with those big doe eyes and that rocking body she had…whoa…um,uh…25 years ago.

Oh shit

As blinded as I was at the thought of seeing her, I didn’t even take the time to factor in the 25 years that have gone by since I fell in love with her. A lot can happen to a person’s appearance in 25 years. Hell, I seem to have misplaced a good portion of my hair in half of that timeframe. What affects could 25 years have on someone who was already 25 when that clock started?

Much to my delight, when The Bangles took the stage she looked as amazing as she ever did. In fact, from 30 yards away, I thought she might have even looked better. I won’t even go into the hair flip that she was doing as this story is already way too long, but let’s just say I’ve already asked Carol to practice it. It’s that good : )

There’s really no moral to this story. There’s no glorious point or insanely witty joke that I’m headed towards at the end. I just wanted to tell a story about my beloved Susanna Hoffs. I appreciate you reading, but now, I’d like to take a moment to speak to the celebrity love of my life.

Susanna, my sweet, even 25 years later you are still a beautiful, beautiful woman who has won my heart all over again. I want to thank you for the time we spent last night, just you, me, and a few hundred onlookers witnessing our love. I will never take you off of my “team” ever again. You are, forever and ever, my eternal flame.