This is a list of things that I’ve been gullible enough to believe in my life. Some have been proven untrue and some - I just know better by now. I’m sure many of my current beliefs will also be proven false as I have shown time and time again how gullible I really am.
Billy Corgan was the little dude from “Small Wonder”
Marilyn Manson was Paul from “The Wonder Years”
Athletes are role models
My epidermis was showing (it still is, but I was mortified at the time before I knew what it was)
Your first love is real love and it will last forever and ever
After the release of “Faith”, George Michael got all the ladies
Politicians really have the people’s best interests in mind
Organized religion is interested in saving souls
Next year is the Cubs year
“if you lay down on the ground I promise I will not fart on your face”
Playing the piano is for dorks
Playing in the band is for dorks
Being in theatre is for dorks
Being a dork keeps you from having friends
“one more beer” on Thursday won’t hurt on Friday
If I can eat whatever I want at 20 and not gain a pound, it will stay true for my entire life
Once the sparkler is extinguished, it is obviously not hot anymore
Billy Corgan was the little dude from “Small Wonder”
Marilyn Manson was Paul from “The Wonder Years”
Athletes are role models
My epidermis was showing (it still is, but I was mortified at the time before I knew what it was)
Your first love is real love and it will last forever and ever
After the release of “Faith”, George Michael got all the ladies
Politicians really have the people’s best interests in mind
Organized religion is interested in saving souls
Next year is the Cubs year
“if you lay down on the ground I promise I will not fart on your face”
Playing the piano is for dorks
Playing in the band is for dorks
Being in theatre is for dorks
Being a dork keeps you from having friends
“one more beer” on Thursday won’t hurt on Friday
If I can eat whatever I want at 20 and not gain a pound, it will stay true for my entire life
Once the sparkler is extinguished, it is obviously not hot anymore
The Hooters waitress is flirting with me because she really does like me
Pro wrestling is real
Watching Pro Wrestling has prepared me for actual fights
There would always be ring ropes around for me to deliver a flying elbow from if the situation arose
Getting punched due to an inability to find ring ropes wouldn’t hurt much at all
High School was the greatest time of my life
College was the greatest time of my life
Henry Rollins was in Devo
“one more beer” on Friday won’t hurt on Saturday
Good guys always finish last
Problems not talked about just go away in time
These Beanie Babies are going to be worth a fortune!!
If I could just meet Debbie Gibson, I know she’d fall in love with me
“Seriously, why would I want to fart on your face again?”
Eating Pop Rocks while drinking a Coke will make your head explode (seriously, who didn’t try this?)
8 tracks will make the same comeback that vinyl has
Brittney Spears is a good, clean girl
I’m only attracted to good, clean girls
The only good songs on an album are the ones on the radio
The ability to drink a 12 pack of Bud Lite and not be hammered makes me a true drinker
Maturity is determined by age
You have to grow up
My parents have no clue what I’m up to
You need to make others look bad to make yourself look good
If I don’t wear Nike’s and ride a DYNO GT, nobody will like me
You have to take yourself seriously
What I do as a kid will not come back to haunt me as an adult
“Ask Tim how much his dad can bench press”
Believing Tim when he got mad and said his dad had no arms
Yoko broke up the Beatles
Just trying it once won’t hurt me
I could out-drink Jeff’s dad (technically I did, but we both lost)
Charm can get you through life
“you’re too smart to let me to fart on your face again. Go ahead and lie down. I swear I won’t do it again” (love and miss you G-Roy)
You can wait until next time to tell someone you love them
Joel McAHole is just one of us normal tall, skinny, funny guys
You can’t confuse a cop who’s pulled a U turn to follow you by winding through neighborhoods at 2:30 in the morning when you really shouldn’t be driving
Karma won’t catch up with you
“One more beer” on Saturday won’t hurt on Sunday
You can’t bullshit a bullshitter
The backseat of a car is a romantic place that really sets the mood
If I eat White Castle for dinner and am not “affected” by it that evening, it has obviously passed me by and I’ll be fine the next day
The “onions” on White Castle burgers are actually cabbage
Santa Claus isn’t real
Loving someone means that you have to also like them all of the time
Air Supply isn’t cool
The dumbest question is the one that isn’t asked
And finally,
If I start a blog, I’ll be discovered as a writer and they’ll move me and the family out to Hollywood so that I can write for sitcoms or for Conan O’Brien. (I’m almost a month in and still waiting. This is crap.)
Pro wrestling is real
Watching Pro Wrestling has prepared me for actual fights
There would always be ring ropes around for me to deliver a flying elbow from if the situation arose
Getting punched due to an inability to find ring ropes wouldn’t hurt much at all
High School was the greatest time of my life
College was the greatest time of my life
Henry Rollins was in Devo
“one more beer” on Friday won’t hurt on Saturday
Good guys always finish last
Problems not talked about just go away in time
These Beanie Babies are going to be worth a fortune!!
If I could just meet Debbie Gibson, I know she’d fall in love with me
“Seriously, why would I want to fart on your face again?”
Eating Pop Rocks while drinking a Coke will make your head explode (seriously, who didn’t try this?)
8 tracks will make the same comeback that vinyl has
Brittney Spears is a good, clean girl
I’m only attracted to good, clean girls
The only good songs on an album are the ones on the radio
The ability to drink a 12 pack of Bud Lite and not be hammered makes me a true drinker
Maturity is determined by age
You have to grow up
My parents have no clue what I’m up to
You need to make others look bad to make yourself look good
If I don’t wear Nike’s and ride a DYNO GT, nobody will like me
You have to take yourself seriously
What I do as a kid will not come back to haunt me as an adult
“Ask Tim how much his dad can bench press”
Believing Tim when he got mad and said his dad had no arms
Yoko broke up the Beatles
Just trying it once won’t hurt me
I could out-drink Jeff’s dad (technically I did, but we both lost)
Charm can get you through life
“you’re too smart to let me to fart on your face again. Go ahead and lie down. I swear I won’t do it again” (love and miss you G-Roy)
You can wait until next time to tell someone you love them
Joel McAHole is just one of us normal tall, skinny, funny guys
You can’t confuse a cop who’s pulled a U turn to follow you by winding through neighborhoods at 2:30 in the morning when you really shouldn’t be driving
Karma won’t catch up with you
“One more beer” on Saturday won’t hurt on Sunday
You can’t bullshit a bullshitter
The backseat of a car is a romantic place that really sets the mood
If I eat White Castle for dinner and am not “affected” by it that evening, it has obviously passed me by and I’ll be fine the next day
The “onions” on White Castle burgers are actually cabbage
Santa Claus isn’t real
Loving someone means that you have to also like them all of the time
Air Supply isn’t cool
The dumbest question is the one that isn’t asked
And finally,
If I start a blog, I’ll be discovered as a writer and they’ll move me and the family out to Hollywood so that I can write for sitcoms or for Conan O’Brien. (I’m almost a month in and still waiting. This is crap.)
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