Baby got back

Gross topic today – just warning you.

As I was sitting at the computer last night, I got an itch on my back. After I fumbled around with the “opposite arm around the front of the chest and under the armpit” scratch, the “opposite arm around the neck and over the shoulder” scratch, and the ”opposite arm behind the head, elbow pointing straight up” scratch, I deduced that the proper way to attack this itch was with the “same arm, tricep extension” scratch.

Ahhh relief. Very few things feel as good as scratching an itch that you’ve had problems getting to. It seems as though every failed attempt at scratching it just makes it itch more and more. Then, when you’ve finally discovered the correct method to relieve your discomfort, it’s as though you’ve discovered some new kama sutra position that provides the best sensation ever. Sometimes, it feels so good you just can’t stop scratching. You have no idea whether or not the area even itches any more, but you don’t care because you don’t want to stop the wonderful sensation of scratching to find out.

I soon found myself scratching for so long that I was beginning to lose feeling in my arm. I was willing to ride it out until that occurred, but then something else happened. Apparently I veered over to the left a little too much and I felt something. At first I ignored it and went back to my glorious scratching, but then curiosity got the better of me and I allowed my fingers to wander over to the left again. Soon, I found myself scratching less and running my fingers over what I had found to the left more and more. Yep, there was no doubt about this.

I found a blackhead.

Now don’t get grossed out. Even the best of you have gotten a pimple or two on your back in the past. When I was attending massage school and was getting hour-long massages 3-4 nights a week (I SOOOOO miss those days), I would be covered in oil quite often (calm down ladies). Those of you who know me know that I haven’t always had the best skin in the world, so imagine what a constant slathering of oil would do to my pores. I was lucky enough that it only affected my back, but more often than not in those days, at any given time I would have a few blackheads back there. If you’ve ever experienced one of these (and I know you have – stop judging me) you know they are impossible to get to. Luckily for me, I had a girl who was sort of my massage partner for training purposes who (get ready for it) used to love popping them. She couldn’t get enough of it. She would actually go from table to table looking at other people’s backs trying to find some. She was only 18 and a little out there, but she served a definite purpose. I’m not saying I had a field of dirty pores on my back, but the few that I did have would be promptly dismissed by her before the massage even started. She was awesome.

But she wasn’t here to help me last night.

I tried various methods of getting one to two hands back there to take care of it, but as I just recently expressed in my attempts to just scratch the aforementioned itch, this was not an area easily reached. I began going over my options. Would it just go away? Would I even be able to forget about it now that I had discovered it? Do I still have that girl’s number? Unfortunately, the answer to all of these was no. There was one and only one thing I could do…

“CAROL!”

Carol is a saint among saints and I try to thank her constantly for all she puts up with and does for me. I know I don’t do a good enough job of it, and last night as I was hunched over on the couch with her fingers digging into this tumor on my back saying “ewww, ewww, gross, oh my god, GROSS”, I was once again reminded of that. Carol, you’re the best. Thanks for always having my back.