Damn You Joel McHale!!

For anyone who watches "The Soup" on E, you know Joel McHale as the tall, funny guy who wears fancy suits with skinny ties. I was fine with that Joel McHale. He made me laugh, sometimes hysterically, and was a guy I could relate to: tall, lanky, handsome in a goofy way, and hilariously funny. That worked out well for me.

For anyone who watches "Community" on NBC on Thursday nights, you know Joel McHale as the tall, surprisingly ripped, funny guy who almost every week has a scene where he's forced to take his shirt off and make me second guess my sexual orientation. Wait, what did I say? Scratch that last part. I think...

I do not like this Joel McHale. Does he still make me laugh? Yes. Do I still enjoy both shows? Tremendously. Do I spend the entire time looking at him wondering how he can look so normal with his shirt on but look so totally buff once he takes it off (which is far too often)? Unfortunately, yes. It's a little creepy how obsessed I have now become with his muscles. But, there's a reason behind it. Please read on.

I first encountered Joel on a show called "The Soup". The shows premise is to take clips of pretty much anything on TV and make fun of it. Talk shows, reality shows, game shows, Ryan Seacrest; it was all fair game and Joel was the host. Carol and I would make it a point to watch "The Soup" together every week because it made us laugh out loud. Joel made us laugh and we liked him because of it. When I found out he was getting a show on NBC called "Community", I was excited because I thought it could be a show I would get into. I was a Joel McHale fan.

When People magazine ranked it's sexiest people last year, Joel McHale was one of the people listed. I chalked it up to good PR because he had a new show coming out - not because he was sexy. I also was a little proud because, as I said, I could relate to him. Maybe there was a place for tall, skinny, funny guys in this world. When I first saw "Community", I was impressed both with his acting ability and the actors surrounding him. This was a good show. I related to the humor and the characters were also very well drawn. I was now an even bigger Joel McHale fan.

Then came the episode when he took off his shirt.

I remember it well. Joel's character was living out of his car and they shot a scene where he was standing right outside his car brushing his teeth and lifting a dumbell - with his shirt off. Carol and I both looked at each other with astonished looks on our faces. Was that a body double? Maybe it was just some good lighting. Maybe? I sure hoped so. I knew that Carol was a big fan of his humor, but if he was also "sexy", that spelled trouble for me.

The next time he appeared shirtless (I admit that it's a LOT creepy that I can keep track of his shirtless appearances, but I like to think it's my amazing ability to store useless information rather than anything sexual) was in the Billiards episode. In that episode, not only did he take his shirt off, but he took everything else off as well. I was floored. This guy was freaking ripped!! I had to call Carol at work and let her know that she was in for a treat when she watched it later that night. And, just as I predicted, she was more than impressed. I was beginning to dislike this McHale fellow.

I admit, I was a little jealous of my wife's affinity for him. I was supposed to be the guy that made her laugh. I assume other guys make her laugh, but I'm sure that none of them are near as develishly handome as I am. It's okay when an ugly person makes you laugh but when someone good looking does, that's a different story. Now, here's my good buddy Joel, all deceptive-like with his "The Soup" suits and skinny ties, making my wife laugh AND making her tingle. Not cool, Joel. Not cool.

The final straw was last nights episode - the Paintball episode. For what seemed like the entire show, Jerk McHale was either walking around in a wife beater or laying on a table with his shirt off. And he was sweaty. The way the sweat glistened off of those rock hard muscles angered me in a way that I had never been angered before. Sure, I laughed because the show was legitimately funny, but every laugh for Jackass McHale was born of out of anger. How dare he come into my home with his muscles glistening with sweat AND be able to make me laugh while doing it? Carol was barely able to take her eyes off of the television for the love of God. This means war!

Sure, Jiveturkey McHateyou, I'll watch "The Soup" tonight. I'll even watch "Community" again next week. And sure, I know I'll laugh my ass off. But just know that you're not fooling anyone with your skinny looking suits anymore. Guys are onto you. Guys with girlfriends and wives are onto you. This charade can not last any longer. We will revolt and we will have our day in the sun. Just please, keep making us laugh the entire time we're destroying you and your web of deception. You are, my enemy for life, a funny man.

Damn you Joel McHale.