Wormburners, Lakes, Sandtraps, and Trees - The Scott Hopfinger Golfing Experience

On June 19, 2010, at 7:30 am, I will make my long anticipated return to the links. Granted, I’m no Tiger Woods and, as such, my return won’t be making any national or even local headlines, but I’m going to go to a place that I swore I would never return to again.

The Golf Course

From what I’ve written so far in this series of blogs, I make it quite clear that there aren’t many things that I’m good at. I can’t maintain my lawn, I can’t keep a rhythm while drumming, and I can’t even make it to the bathroom while throwing up Red Dog and Cheegles. But you can take all of those things, combine my inability to do them well, and it will not even come close to how bad I am at golfing. In fact, calling what I do “golfing” is like calling what strippers do “dancing.” It sort of resembles it, but in the grand scheme of things is nothing close.

I have the gear – sort of. I have a set of clubs that I got for my 19th birthday. They’re nothing fancy and the ones that I haven’t thrown against a tree, banged into the ground, or launched down the fairway are still in fairly decent condition. I don’t have golf shoes because I refuse to invest money in gear for a “sport” that I despise as much as I do. For the longest time I’ve been using a vinyl Wilson bag that was given to me by a friend and looks like something that would be a prize at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks, but I’ve since acquired a new bag that will make me look a little more respectable – at least until it’s time for my first tee shot.

I’ve also never had a lesson. I’ve had friends instruct me on how to do various things, but I don’t golf often enough to make the tips stick. It’s actually a nasty cycle. I go golfing because it sounds fun and I think that I’ll be able to do better this year, I golf poorly, I get a tip, hit a few nice shots, hit some bad shots, get mad because the tips are no longer working, tally up a horrible round, swear I’ll never golf again, wait a year, go golfing again because it sounds like fun and maybe I’ll be able to do better this year. My grandfather actually used to be a golf pro and wants to teach me, but I’m not sure he’d have the patience for me. He’s in his advanced years and I’m scared at what seeing me golf might do to his heart.

I’m so bad that last year I was able to injure myself. I actually tore muscles in my neck from my horrible swing. I felt the normal soreness the next day that comes from 18 holes of around 120+ strokes, but as the days went on, the soreness kept getting worse. On day two I could barely move my head without a sharp pain running up my neck, soI went to the doctor who told me I had torn muscles in my neck and he gave me some dandy pain pills to help me out during my business trip/visit to cousin Jeff up in Chicago. Even on the pills I was miserable and I vowed to never play golf again. I was retired.

Well, as I’ve proven before, my will is easily broken and I am back to playing golf. I feel like the Rolling Stones with how many times I’ve retired and then come back to doing things that I swore I was done with. I don’t anticipate me being back for the long haul as I’m only golfing on June 19th as part of a charity fundraiser. I don’t plan on winning (unless there’s a team beer drinking trophy – which I’ve been told there’s not, but even so my team is stacked), but I do want to have a good time for a good cause.

My friend Rachel, an extremely strong woman who has shown perseverance through situations that no human being should ever be witness to, has been putting on this tournament for the past few years to benefit Domestic Violence Prevention. A lot of my friends have played in the past and claim it to be an excellent time and for a great cause. If you golf, sort of golf, are aware what a golf club looks like, or just want to help a wonderful woman raise funds for a much needed cause, please read the flyer below and consider playing in this tournament. If you can’t play, please consider a donation. No amount is too great or too small. Additionally, if you can’t play but know someone who may want to, feel free to pass this on.

So, as I’ve said, I’m going against my better judgment and hitting the links one more time. The good news is, since it’s a scramble, I only have to buy 18 golf balls. The best ball format makes it so it would be hard for even me to lose more than one ball per hole – again.

Take care and thanks for reading



PEG Helpline
Benefit Golf Scramble
Saturday June 19th, 2010
Clinton Hills Golf Course
3700 Old Collinsville Road Belleville IL,


§ Entry Fee - $85 Per Person
(Includes green fees, cart rental, post-tournament lunch and prizes)
§ Guests welcome for lunch and post-tournament activities for $15 per person
§ Sponsor a hole for $100
§ In-kind donations appreciated
§ 18-hole 4 person team scramble
§ Mixed teams encouraged
§ Registration at 6:30am
§ Shotgun start at 7:30am
§ Lunch served at 12:30pm
§ Deadline for entry is Saturday, June 12th, 2010


For more information call: 618-534-4918 or 618-520-8100
or email peghelpline@yahoo.com
Proceeds to benefit:
Domestic Violence Prevention

Entry Form
Captain Name ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________________________
Address _____________________________________
Phone # ___________Email _____________________

Other Golfers Names 2) _________3) __________4) _________
Guest Meal ($15/Person) ____Y_____N_____# of Guests

I am interested in Sponsoring a Hole ______Y _____N
Deadline for Entry is June 12th, 2010


Hole Sponsor Form
Business Name ____________________________________

Contact Person ____________________________________

Business Address, Phone and Email ___________________
__________________________________________________

1 Hole for $100 __________ 5 Holes for $400 _________
Deadline for Hole Sponsor is June 14th, 2010
Proceeds to Benefit Domestic Violence Prevention
Make Checks payable to The Peg Helpline
Please mail form and payment to:
Rachel Embrich 417 Erin Drive, Fairview Heights, IL 62208
For More Information Call: 618-534-4918 or 618-520-8100