From what I understand (or at least from what I choose to believe), every couple has a “top five list.” “What is a ‘top five list?’” you may ask. A top five list is a list of the top 5 celebrities that you are allowed to have a romantic encounter with the added benefit of your spouse not being allowed to get angry. Sounds great, right? Of course it does. What man doesn’t want an iron clad list of five women (or men if he prefers – I’m not here to judge) that he knows he can sleep with without fear of repercussion? I’m sure women get excited about the list as well, but let’s face it, women are better than men and if the situation actually presented itself to them, women would turn it down for the benefit of the relationship.
Not men.
Give a guy a gun and he will shoot it. That’s why the list is so awesome. It is an actual binding legal contract (trust me, I’ve done my research) that prevents me from getting in any trouble whatsoever should I end up bumping uglies with one of my top five. I can pick any five celebrity women in the world to have my way with and be worry free about it for the rest of my days.
But the problem is finding the five.
Over the years my list has changed considerably. I know I’ve only been married for five years, but every man has been thinking about his “top 5” for as long as he can remember. From the very moment that you realize that women are attractive, you start making a mental list of which ones are hotter than others. Whether it’s intentional or just a fleeting thought, if you see Pamela Anderson and Brooke Burke standing next to each other on Dancing With The Stars, you’re making a mental note of who would be ranked higher on the almighty list (Brooke Burke is mega hot, but Pam has a crazy side to her and that may be kind of fun… see how this works?).
Additionally, as you grow older, your criteria change. Back in the 80’s, it was pop princesses because they seemed so innocent and sweet. Then it became the heavy metal chicks because they were dangerous and you never knew what to expect. Then, there are always the supermodels because they’re just so “perfect” in every way. After a while, some of your favorites from past lists grow up to be a little crazier than expected (see Brittney Spears) so maybe you stick with the girl and base your criteria on what she has turned into. That’s the beauty of the Top Five List…it keeps changing and, unless you do what Ross did in the Friend’s episode where he laminated his list, it’s a pretty much ever changing list that can be amended at any given time to fit the situation.
I like to think that my Top 5 is an eclectic list encompassing different genres, body types, and personalities. It is a beautiful group of women (no, contrary to popular belief I do not have Joel McHale on my list) whom I believe would feel both honored and excited to know that they were on my list. I am, after all, quite a catch. Carol bought me funderwear that says so.
Based on that, I’d like to present you with both Carol’s and my Top 5 List.
Scott’s list
In no particular order
1) Pamela Anderson, Brooke Burke, Brittney Spears, Mariah Carey, Lindsay Lohen, Stacey Kiebler, Megan Fox, Tina Fey, Tori Wilson, Mila Kunis, Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, The other Kardashian, Eva Mendes, Audrina Patridge, Scarlett Johansson, Amanda Bynes, Jennie Garth, Tiffani Amber-Theissen, Christina Aguillera,
Not men.
Give a guy a gun and he will shoot it. That’s why the list is so awesome. It is an actual binding legal contract (trust me, I’ve done my research) that prevents me from getting in any trouble whatsoever should I end up bumping uglies with one of my top five. I can pick any five celebrity women in the world to have my way with and be worry free about it for the rest of my days.
But the problem is finding the five.
Over the years my list has changed considerably. I know I’ve only been married for five years, but every man has been thinking about his “top 5” for as long as he can remember. From the very moment that you realize that women are attractive, you start making a mental list of which ones are hotter than others. Whether it’s intentional or just a fleeting thought, if you see Pamela Anderson and Brooke Burke standing next to each other on Dancing With The Stars, you’re making a mental note of who would be ranked higher on the almighty list (Brooke Burke is mega hot, but Pam has a crazy side to her and that may be kind of fun… see how this works?).
Additionally, as you grow older, your criteria change. Back in the 80’s, it was pop princesses because they seemed so innocent and sweet. Then it became the heavy metal chicks because they were dangerous and you never knew what to expect. Then, there are always the supermodels because they’re just so “perfect” in every way. After a while, some of your favorites from past lists grow up to be a little crazier than expected (see Brittney Spears) so maybe you stick with the girl and base your criteria on what she has turned into. That’s the beauty of the Top Five List…it keeps changing and, unless you do what Ross did in the Friend’s episode where he laminated his list, it’s a pretty much ever changing list that can be amended at any given time to fit the situation.
I like to think that my Top 5 is an eclectic list encompassing different genres, body types, and personalities. It is a beautiful group of women (no, contrary to popular belief I do not have Joel McHale on my list) whom I believe would feel both honored and excited to know that they were on my list. I am, after all, quite a catch. Carol bought me funderwear that says so.
Based on that, I’d like to present you with both Carol’s and my Top 5 List.
Scott’s list
In no particular order
1) Pamela Anderson, Brooke Burke, Brittney Spears, Mariah Carey, Lindsay Lohen, Stacey Kiebler, Megan Fox, Tina Fey, Tori Wilson, Mila Kunis, Kim Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, The other Kardashian, Eva Mendes, Audrina Patridge, Scarlett Johansson, Amanda Bynes, Jennie Garth, Tiffani Amber-Theissen, Christina Aguillera,
2) Eliza Dushku, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, Gabrielle Union, Erin Andrews, Chelsea Handler, Kara DioGuardi, Kelly Ripa, Alison Brie, Heather Graham, Lauren Graham, Trish Stratus, Laura Prepon, Kristin Wiig, Eva Longoria, Merryl Streep, Sally Fields
3) Kate Hudson, Katie Holmes, Queen Latifah, Jamie Lynn-Seigler, Katy Perry, the girl from “Chuck”, Anna Kournikova, Elisha Cuthbert, Lois Griffin, Mandy Moore, Sarah Chalke, Fergie, Beyonce, Carrie Underwood, Cindy Lauper, Amy Adams, Halle Berry, Princess Leia, Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson, Bridgette Marquardt
4) Danica Patrick, Blake Lively, Alysson Hannigan, Elisabeth Shue, Drew Barrymore, Carmen Electra, Cameron Diaz, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Charbet, Rose McGowan, Denise Richards, Paulina Rubio, Shakira, Hayden Panettiere, Charlize Theron, Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Isla Fisher, Lindsey Vonn, Maria Sharpova
5) Jenna Fischer, Anne Hathaway, Jenna Jamison, Amy Smart, Daisy Fuentes, Tara Reid, Shania Twain, Nicole Eggert, The Little Mermaid, Elle MacPherson, Courtney Cox, Eve Torres, Gina Gershon, Rihanna, Joel McHale’s twin sister, Keira Knightley, Uma Thurman, Daryl Hannah, Ali Larter, Lark Voorhies,
*disclaimer – this list is subject to change at any time based on what celebrity I may encounter at any given time.
Carol’s list
1-5 ) Me
While Carol’s list is very solid, I’m sure that I’ve overlooked someone on my list. I feel that I did a good job of paring it down to only five to make a good definitive roster. If you feel that either Carol or I have neglected someone on our list, please feel free to comment as your suggestions are always welcome.
As always, thank you for reading.
*disclaimer – this list is subject to change at any time based on what celebrity I may encounter at any given time.
Carol’s list
1-5 ) Me
While Carol’s list is very solid, I’m sure that I’ve overlooked someone on my list. I feel that I did a good job of paring it down to only five to make a good definitive roster. If you feel that either Carol or I have neglected someone on our list, please feel free to comment as your suggestions are always welcome.
As always, thank you for reading.
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