More Randumb Thoughts

It’s a randumb thoughts day.

Last night, the Chicago Cubs left fielder Alfonso laid down his first sacrifice bunt since 2006. The next batter knocked the run in and the Cubs eventually won the game. Note to the Cubs: This is how a lot of teams play baseball. It’s called small ball and has actually produced a few World Series wins along the way. You are familiar with the World Series, right? It’s that series of games that are being played to determine the best team in baseball for that year while you’re off enjoying your vacation. Maybe it’s time to test these new waters a little bit…

I am feeling much better today and my vomit pile from Tuesday night has been removed from the parking garage floor. Thanks for asking.

I have discovered a new television show that makes me laugh out loud. It’s midget wrestling + Jackass and it’s called “Half Pint Brawlers.” If anyone ever wants to throw a massive party in my honor, please visit this site www.halfpintbrawlers.com and hire these guys. You will be my best friend forever.

My golf tournament is this Saturday morning and I have to register at 6:30. My golf game was going to be bad enough, but now I can at least blame my horrendous play on the fact that I’m tired. It won’t fool anyone, but any excuse that I can use for my horrible play will be thrown down like a lay down loner in euchre.

God, it’s been FOREVER since I’ve played euchre.

We had a seminar yesterday where the speaker kept referring to himself in the third person. That’s normally a prime target for me to make fun of, but his name was Scott and I really began to get confused after awhile. Scott didn’t know whether Scott was talking about Scott or Scott.

I’ll be celebrating Father’s Day by going to see a matinee of Toy Story 3 with Ben and Carol. The premise of the movie is that Andy is going off to college and has decided to get give all of his toys to charity. Didn’t he watch the second movie? Doesn’t he know how much Woody is worth? Sell that crap on Ebay man!!

Can you imagine if the plot of Toy Story 3 revolved around Andy taking his toys to his college dorm with him? If college is still anything like I remember it, they’d really have to change the rating slightly and possibly introduce other toys such as “keg tapper” and “Trojan man.”

Alright, that’s enough Toy Story jokes.

Okay one more. In the first movie, we met Andy’s toys. In the second, we were introduced to some of his little sister’s toys. If Andy’s mom is still single during the third installment, do you think they’re going to introduce any of her toys? Mr. Vibrato maybe?

My friend Kathy, who also blogs, recently wrote an apology/thank you to her parents in her blog for all of her cussing and less-than-saintly behavior in her stories. I’m pretty sure my parents knew this was inside of me all along and are pretty surprised that it took this long to come out. Even so Mom and Dad, thank you and I’m sorry. I’m sure it will get worse before it gets better. I’ve got a LOT more horrible stories that are going to blow your mind. Some of those, however, will never even grace these pages and as you can see, there’s not a lot I don’t share 

Apparently, my old band Crunk Whitey will be playing a short set at a private birthday party (makes us sound really cool, doesn’t it) next Saturday the 26th. I have officially played my drums once in the past year and a half and that was just last Tuesday. I was really bad and got a blister. Additionally, we have decided that even though it’s been about a year and a half since we’ve played together, we’re not going to practice as a group until our sound check that day. If any band can sound just as good without practicing as they would have with months of practice, it’s Crunk Whitey…

BP executives are now apologizing profusely for the oil leak that, even after almost two months later, has not yet been stopped. Since they either don’t read my blog or didn’t think that my giant tampon was a good solution, I have another. Why don’t you each take your multimillion dollar bonuses for the past year or so, change them all in for smaller bills, and stuff them into the hole to block the flow. If you need help getting down there, I’m sure we could find a few million residents of the Gulf Coast region who wouldn’t mind buying a brick or two to tie to your body to weigh you down.

Salami and cheese sandwiches really stink up my cubicle.

My friend Jeff, who was always the fat friend, now weighs less than me. I’ve lost some weight recently too, but he’s lost about 60 pounds. I’d say “good for him,” but screw him. I don’t wanna be the fat friend. This is bullshit.

I have around $300 in free Southwest Airlines airfare and have no idea how I want to use it. I have to use it by mid-October so I have a little time to choose. I know I’ll end up using it for a trip to Chicago, but every time I go up there it gets harder and harder to leave. I love that city.

I heard on the radio this morning that Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame is mad at Mick Jagger because Keith wants to make more money by going on tour. He said that the problem though was that they can’t go on tour without a new album and Mick doesn’t want to get together and write. Sorry guys, but people stopped giving a crap about your new music somewhere around your 95th birthday. Please, go on tour, play the old stuff, and come to St Louis. Please!! Oh, and don’t die first.

Speaking of that, there are a few bands that I’ve never seen live that I absolutely have to before I (or more than likely, they) die: The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, U2, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles (not likely), CSNY, James (a wonderful British band), and Prince. I’d say Madonna, but she just looks scary now. She’s in that best heard and not seen category. Oh, and Brittney Spears. I don’t think she has a lot of time left here on earth.

I use the same cereal bowl every morning for breakfast (at my desk, of course). I rinse it out with hot water every time, but really only wash it with soap about once every two weeks. I’m going to google the ramifications that this could have on my body.

A few updates to past blog entries:

1) Fishy McFisherson is still alive and kicking (or whatever it is that fish do)
2) I have not been sent to timeout in at least a month
3) I totally forgot to add Susanna Hoffs to my Top 5 list – plus about 13
other lucky ladies that I can think of off the top of my head
4) Joel McHale has been quiet as of late. I think he’s just biding his time…
5) I’m wearing the Marvel Comics funderwear today



Finally, comments to my blog posts are always welcome and, in fact, encouraged. If you would like to know something about me, heard a rumor that you’d like confirmed or denied, or just plain want to tell me that I suck and I’m full of crap, please let me know. I enjoy writing this blog and your interaction makes it that much more enjoyable. Additionally, I’ve had reports that some of the select list of 10 people that I’m allowed to e-mail this to who don’t have Facebook accounts (what are you, cavemen?) have not been receiving this. If you do receive this email today, please respond with a “howdy” so that I can further delve into the problem for those that didn’t get it. For those of you who are reading this on Facebook or who just go directly to scottchronicles.blogspot.com, please pass this link on to anyone that you might feel may enjoy it. I’m an attention whore and am proud of it.

Thanks for reading.