Voting For Dummies

First of all, I want to apologize to anyone who was offended at the lack of humor in last weeks blog "Cuts Like a Knife." I'm SORRY that I wrote something that wasn't humorous or funny. I'm SORRY if I tried to show a little versatility in my ever blossoming writing style. I'm SORRY that it didn't involve Ben, drinking, farting, puking, enormous genitalia, or any humliation on my behalf From now on, I promise to stick with the insanely idiotic crap that you're used to. Jerks.

Anyway...

Seeing as today is Election Day across this great nation of ours, I thought I would take this time to tell a little tale of my brief foray into the political forum.

Sometime during my sophomore year of high school, I became aware that student council elections were approaching and, despite the fact that I had only a small close-knit group of friends, decided that I should run for Junior Class President. I had no idea why I decided to run, nor did I have any inclination as to why I thought that I might win. And I really don’t know why if I wanted to run for office that I didn’t just go for something like class representative. Why go for the whole enchilada? What I did know is that it sounded like something fun to do at the time so I submitted my name and began the campaign process.

Now, I would never have the audacity to call myself shy, but I have always been what I like to refer to as “reserved” in situations where not everybody around is familiar with me and my sense of humor. Inevitably in any social situation, I will say something that I find funny but usually ends up in blank stares focused in my direction. As a result, I usually keep my mouth shut right away until I’m ready for such a reaction. This was especially true in high school where I always had feelings of not being good enough and sometimes just not fitting in. All of that eventually changed and as I got older (after the horrific acne cleared up) and I became very comfortable in my skin, but at this point in my life I was really unsure of my exact place in the Althoff Catholic High School hierarchy. I was always polite to people as I hadn’t yet fully developed the sarcastic wit that I pride myself on today and, as far as I knew, I didn’t have any enemies currently plotting my demise. But, outside of a few close friends, not a lot of people had really seen the Scott Hopfinger that I was.

That was all about to change.

When I began campaigning, I did it with little more than a few posters and some stickers for people to wear on their shirts, backpacks, or even affix to the bathroom walls. I don’t remember ever really “campaigning” as there were really no issues at stake, but I also don’t remember ever really trying to sway people’s vote in my direction. For the most part, I just remained sweet, polite self and relied on great friends like Chris and Donnie (and many others that know who they are and to whom I am eternally grateful) to shamelessly spread the word about me as a candidate. Eventually, I saw a lot of people wearing my stickers and was taken aback at the amount of support that I was being shown. Despite that, however, I was running against a few people that were far more popular than I was and I knew I needed to step up the efforts. It was time to be goofy.

I don’t know how or when the idea struck me, or even why I thought that it would be a good idea. For some reason, however, I went home one night, got a piece of poster board and a few markers, sat down at our living room coffee table, and began making a sign. I believe I used alternating colors of blue and hot pink for every other word and at the bottom of the poster I taped a picture of my dog. I’m not sure of the exact wording either, but this is either very close or spot on. It read:

“Do you know that saying every dog has its day? Well, the other
day I was talking to my dog (trust me) and he said ‘do you know
what Scott? It would really make my day if you were elected
Junior Class President.’ So please, help make my dog’s day and
vote for me, Scott Hopfinger, for Junior Class President”
{Picture of my dog with
the Label “My Dog”}

It wasn’t the wittiest of posters, nor was it even that outwardly funny. What it was, though, was a declaration of my stupid sense of humor. This is the kind of stuff that goes through my brain on a daily basis and I was finally ready to share it with others. Of course, those of you that regularly read my blog might think of that as the official beginning of the lunacy, but I don’t care. If I kept all of this crazy inside of me I just might end up in a little white room with padded walls. It’s best that I get it out of me in this fashion.

Anyway, I walked into school the next day and hung it on the second floor where the majority of the sophomore students had their lockers. By that afternoon, I had received a TON of positive feedback on it and actually saw people stop to read it and then walk away laughing. I even remember a couple of people walking away smiling while shaking their heads and saying “Hopfinger…” I’m not sure if that got me any additional votes, but I do know that when the polls were closed later that week, I had won the election and was elected Junior Class President.

After that, I was off and running with my idiocy. I now felt free to be more of myself and actually started feeling a lot better about who I was. One outcome of that, however, is that I kind of busted out of my shell and became a lot closer to the guy I am today, but you’ve already read some of those stories and some more are still to come. Some, however, I just can’t share. My mother reads this blog for Christ's sake. Maybe someday I’ll need to make a “Peach Pit After Dark” version of my blog where all of the really nasty stuff comes out. Maybe.

Probably not.

Thanks for reading.