Bittersweet Symphony

I tried to think of a delicate way to put this, but since that is really not my style to begin with, I’ll just throw it out there:


My son can blow ass like a man.

Being an eternal 13 year old boy, I have to say that this makes me very proud. I don’t really know what I was expecting in the gas passing department from my son (or if I expected anything at all). I can’t say that when we found out we were having a boy that I jumped for joy because I’d get to have farting contests with him. At the same time, I also can’t say that I ever had any expectations or plans for his flatulent future. What I can say is that through his 3+ years of existence he has acquired the fine art of dropping bombs with the best of them -and the results are staggering. He has bass, he has length, and the best part is – he finds them funny.

Case in point

The other night, I was awakened to the sound of Ben coughing in the other room. Any time the weather changes drastically he ends up with an allergy related cold which more often than not includes a hacking cough which requires breathing treatments through a nebulizer. As a result, his coughing can be quite disconcerting and we pay close attention to it day or night. On this night imparticular he was hacking away around 1 or 2 am and we were scared that he may throw up (you know that cough where all that junk is breaking up in your throat and it’s trying to make its way out but it’s not quite ready and, as a result, just hangs around in your throat making you cough and gag and gag and cough some more making it sound like you’re choking but you’re really not? It was that kind of cough).

We went into his room to check on him only to find him totally asleep through all of it. He was still coughing, but didn’t seem aware of the discomfort it was causing both himself and his concerned parents. Not being able to just let him cough all night, I went and got him a glass of water to hopefully wash down whatever mucussy (I am well aware that is not a word) mess was in his throat. When I returned, Carol was still in there with him trying to wake him up so that he could take a drink.

He woke up enough to realize that we were both in there and that we had water for him, but that was about it. Carol sat him up, held the glass to his lips, and he drank enough to calm the phlegm party down for awhile. He finished drinking, pushed the glass back, and with eyes still closed began to lay back down on his bed.

On the short trip back to his pillow, however, he unleashed a fart.

A huge fart.

I find it funny in our house that we deemed “butt” to be an inappropriate word but we talk about poop and farts like it’s no big deal. Just add that to the list of first time parenting miscues, I guess. Anyway, this fart was long and loud and caused Carol and I to break into a fit of laughter. Ben, barely awake at this point, got a huge smile on his face the second it was released. I’m not sure if he felt relieved or if he knew that what just came out of his bottom (see? – no butt) was as funny as mommy and daddy thought it was. Either way, the smile continued and once he heard us laughing (we couldn’t control ourselves) he decided to enhance the fart by (eyes still closed and half asleep) mimicking the fart noise with his mouth right before laying his head down and going back to sleep.

That’s my boy.

Carol and I laughed during the entire walk out of his bedroom. We shut the door and continued to laugh even harder. I had to use the bathroom before going back to sleep and as I was in there I could still hear Carol giggling from the bedroom all the way across the house. I’m pretty sure that she could hear me also as I was laughing too (making it very difficult to complete my task – by the way). When I got back to bed we giggled about it a little more and then drifted off to sleep. We don’t encourage him to break wind, but when he does we do get a kick out of it.


To add to this short little story, I will share with you a song that Ben was singing this morning after he performed another sphincter symphony while getting ready for school.

My bottom goes toot-toot
My bottom goes toot-toot
Hi-ho the dairy-o
My bottom goes toot-toot

I have no idea what they’re teaching him at school, but I sure am glad that I’m getting my money’s worth.

Thanks for reading