What I DON'T Like About You

Twitter is an amazing thing. In 140 characters or less you can express your views on any topic you so desire to anyone who has either chosen to follow you or who is following a certain hashtag (#). While I do feel hampered by the 140 character limit, I find it to be a unique challenge to craft what I want to say so that I can express my opinion fully within the limits of those 140 characters. No, I don’t tweet anything groundbreaking or truly thought provoking, but the 55 followers I have (it was only 54 until yesterday when Naughty Loving asked to follow me) get very sporadic and nonsensical tweets from me and seem to enjoy them. Prior to yesterday, this is what I considered Twitter to be for.

Amanda Bynes is/was an actress whom you might remember from the Nickelodeon show “All That” or from some of her other film and  television roles including “What I Like About You” or “She’s The Man”. She was never really a big time actress but was very cute and kind of funny. The thing that I noticed most about her, however, and what I truly appreciated  is that she looked like this:

 

In 2010, Amanda “retired” from acting for no apparent reason and since then has kind of disappeared. After that she had a small role in the Emma Stone film “Easy A” but, acting wise, she has been mostly irrelevant and she officially re-retired in 2012.  

No big loss

A few months ago, however, Ms. Bynes reappeared thanks to Twitter and TMZ. She had a string of car accidents, drunken/stoned escapades, and altercations with law enforcement that brought her full swing into the world of the paparazzi and all of the fun that goes along with it. To defend herself, Amanda took to Twitter and began what I like to call the Amanda Bynes meltdown. She has denied obvious drug use, she has denied any kind of mental instability, and she has taken to calling people ugly. I won't go into her various tweets because, simply, there isn't enough room in this blog to fully describe the insanity. Just know that the chick is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Given how she looked in the picture above though, I could understand the “ugly” references, but she has also become obsessed with her own looks and has had surgery to correct what she thought was wrong. As a result, she now looks like this:

 

And this

Why would anyone do that to themselves?

 

Now, I love crazy chicks. My obsession with Britney, Mariah, and LiLo (and to some extent my lovely wife) are examples of this. I don’t even mind if you go off the deep end a little bit, a la Britney, and shave your head. But poor Amanda has gone and totally disfigured what was really a very pretty face. On top of that, she’s still calling people ugly.

That's fine. To each their own.

I was okay with that until she referred to a picture of Drake (couldn’t name one of his songs if I had to) with a tweet that I was going to repost here, but has since been deleted from her account. In a nutshell, she claimed that they must have photoshopped  a picture of him to cover up his Downs Syndrome eyes. Drake does not have Downs Syndrome and, for some reason and I have zero idea why, that sent me over the edge.

Which brings us back to Twitter.

Since she posted this on Twitter I took it upon myself to respond to her via the same format to make her aware of my displeasure for that tasteless Downs Syndrome comment. This is what I wrote:

oReply

oRetweet Retweeted

oDelete

@AmandaBynes you are a horrible person and are getting uglier by the minute. NO amount of surgery can cure the ugliness in your soul.

 

After that, I was happy with myself. I don't know why as she has over 2 million followers and I'm sure that just one tweet from me would more than likely go unnoticed, but I felt good knowing that I made a stand. But then it started to get to me that she probably wouldn't see that tweet. What good would my stance do if it would go unnoticed by its intended target?

That is when I made it my goal to get blocked by Amanda Bynes

I've seen this happen before. One of my favorite follows on Twitter is @JennyJohnsonHi5 and she has made a career out of taking tweets from the likes of Kim Kardashian and Chris Brown and replying to them with wit and gnarling teeth to the point where they got sick of her and blocked her from posting to their account. I see no harm in calling out idiots who post idiotic things and pointing out that idiocy for others to see. It's the American way of doing things. As a result, I decided to do my patriotic duty and get blocked myself.

Seeing as Amanda has over 2 millions followers who are probably posting to account on a fairly regular basis, I knew my tweets would have to be quick and sharp. They would need to show up on her feed in rapid succession so that she recognized my name and the smiling picture of me in the upper left hand corner. I then began about the process of posting the following tweets to Amanda Bynes

      

@AmandaBynes saw an old show that you were on, but then realized I was actually watching my neighbors ugly dog dry humping a dead squirrel. 

 

@AmandaBynes I thought you were AWESOME in the title role in Mask.

 

@AmandaBynes if you had to pick between being ugly or having your career be over, which one would you... oh, nevermind. #bothtrue

 

@AmandaBynes Knock knock

                             Who's There?

                             Amanda Bynes

                             Amanda Bynes who?

                             Exactly

 

@AmandaBynes you know that movie you were in about that thing? The one where you were pretty and really nailed he role? Yeah, me neither.

 

@AmandaBynes If an "actress" retires from acting and no one is around to give a crap, does the sound of her bombing movies make a sound?

 

Can't wait for @AmandaBynes rap album 2 drop. SOMETHING needs to replace North West as the worst thing 2 come out of a "celebrity" this year

 

 

At this point I was still able to post to her account so I knew that I had not been blocked. I needed to step up my efforts. I needed to hit her where it hurts. I needed to play on her insecurities. I needed to make her feel super ugly. That's when I invented #amandabynesmustache

 

 

Hey @AmandaBynes!! Let's get #amandabynesmustache trending. You do know about your mustache, right? No? #awkward

 

@AmandaBynes I'm having chicken and rice for dinner #amandabynesmustache

 

@AmandaBynes #amandabynesmustache is not trending yet. Surely with your beauty and star power you can help out, right? #amandabynesmustache

 

@AmandaBynes in an earlier tweet I mentioned my neighbors ugly dog. He's only ugly compared to the dead squirrel. Compared to you, he's cute

 

@AmandaBynes so is the dead squirrel. #amandabynesmustache

 

@AmandaBynes "you are a great actress. I hope that you get back on track because I really enjoy your work" said no one #amandabynesmustache

 

I stepped in a big pile of @AmandaBynes career the other day. I threw the shoes away. #amandabynesmustache

 

 

Still tweeting, still not blocked. It was here that I made my intentions known to my buddy Chris and he, understanding my odd sense of humor and need to accomplish this feat, made a suggestion to me in regard to #amandabynesmustache. Based on that suggestion, I tweeted the following:

 

 

@AmandaBynes I was watching Super Troopers the other day and got inspired to ask you a question. Can I have an #amandabynesmustache ride?

 

 

I was now becoming desperate because my time in front of a computer was ending and I wouldn't be back on for another hour or so which would break my flow. I had to let her know what I was doing. Hence:

 

@AmandaBynes block me and I'll be forced to stop, but then you'll also admit to the fact that you're aware of #amandabynesmustache #quandry

 

 

Nothing

 

My day was over and I drove home a little sad that I hadn't achieved my goal. I know that it takes someone who is really good at what I was trying to do a lot longer to get noticed and then blocked by their intended target. But I was only a novice. It would probably take weeks, if not months, to get blocked. As a result I started thinking of more tweets I could send Ms. Bynes to continue my tirade against her. I continued to think about this the entire way home and began to construct tweets in my mind that I could post in the future. I had one in mind but I had to craft it perfectly. I'm not a crude person and I would not resort to vulgar language just to get noticed. That is why the next tweet had to be worded exactly right to fit in the constraints of those 140 characters and my personal code of ethics. This is what I sent her when I got home:

 

Pretty sure the only thing less attractive than @AmandaBynes face is @AmandaBynes lady parts #amandabynesmustache

 

 

After that, I was officially blocked.

 

And it feels good!!

 

 

 ***UPDATE!!***

While posting this blog on Twitter I mentioned that it was a shame that @amandabynes couldn't read it. Upon doing that I was expecting to be notified once again that I had been blocked. I did not receive this notification. I sent her another test Tweet and it also went through. I am officially unblocked.

While saddened that my blocking only lasted less than 24 hours, I am bound and determined to make it a permanent ban. This is my mission. This is my goal. I'll let you know how it goes : )

Thanks for reading.